


Hitchhiking Ghosts

by Petalene



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluffy ghost story, Ghost stories need ghosts, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 18:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16289363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petalene/pseuds/Petalene
Summary: Kurt sees a ghost at the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. The irony of this is completely lost on his friend Brittany.Based on a Reddit prompt - if you could haunt anywhere in the world, where would you haunt?The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, obviously. And then it turned into fanfic.





	Hitchhiking Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own Glee. I don’t own the Haunted Mansion. If you recognize it from somewhere else, then I don’t own that either. 
> 
> Ghost stories need ghosts and ghosts are the spirits of the dead. Very brief mention of how death occurred. If you are easily triggered, there is a short description in the end notes. I don’t do heavy angst, so this is a mostly fluffy ghost story. Now enter, foolish mortals. 
> 
> Happy October 13th!

Is the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland actually haunted? Stories about ghosts inhabiting the ride started before the attraction even opened. The most persistent rumors are of a teenage boy lurking in the graveyard, sitting on the chandelier in the ballroom with the drunk ghost, and most frequently, hitchhiking with Phineas, Gus, and Ezra. He’s been spotted all over the mansion and the first picture surfaced just over a decade ago. 

A few people claim to have seen the same ghost in the Pirates ride, steering one of the ships. And there is one story about seeing him in the loading area of the Tower of Terror in California Adventure. It’s interesting to note that all the sightings of him on other rides coincide with the mansion being closed for maintenance. Or during The Nightmare Before Christmas redecoration before Halloween and after Christmas take down. No one remotely fitting this description has died on this ride or anywhere in the park. 

Photos number in the dozens although few are clear. The ghost appears in a dress shirt, vest, and bow tie which are all much too modern a style compared with the rest of the ghosts in residence and, as best we can tell, he’s covered in blood. Not quite a Sissy Spacek as Carrie level of gore, but definitely more than Walt Disney would have deemed appropriate. 

Several longtime cast members who work or have worked a rotation at the mansion have reported seeing the boy. 

“I don’t see the ghost very often, but when I do, he smiles and waves. He isn’t scary or anything. I think he just likes the ride,” said one cast member who prefers to remain anonymous.

While on the ride, the ghost host always says that the Haunted Mansion can house one thousand ghosts and that there are currently nine hundred and ninety-nine in residence. What do you think? Has the coveted last vacancy at Gracey Manor been filled? 

XOXOXOXO

The instant Brittany makes it through the turnstiles at the entrance to Disneyland, she takes off running. Kurt chases after her, trying to keep her in sight as she darts between park guests, her long blond ponytail bouncing and her cheerleading skirt swishing as her tiny purse bangs against her hip. 

“Hurry up,” Brittany calls over her shoulder without slowing down. “We have to go on as many rides as possible!”

Kurt follows, thankful that he manages to keep her in view. Despite Brittany’s broken internal compass and her inability to find the library at the school she’s attended for a year and a half, she seems to know exactly where she’s going. 

As a child, Kurt always imagined his first trip to Disneyland involving a Cinderella tiara and a Mickey Mouse balloon. Never did he fantasize about wearing a red and white cheerio uniform. At least he has on pants, unlike Brittany who’s skirt barely covers her red spanks. Brittany doesn’t seem to mind wearing it to school every day. She’s been a cheerleader since freshman year. Kurt joined part way through his sophomore year and he still doesn’t like having the uniform on all the time. 

Disneyland is the happiest place on earth and Kurt knows he should try to be happy. Except all the joy and light and happiness bled out of the world when Burt Hummel didn’t survive his heart attack. 

All day, Brittany runs from ride to ride without pausing to orient herself or check if Kurt is following 

It’s getting late and they can’t miss the bus. He knows coach Sue won’t care if any cheerleaders are still in the park. She said to be there on time or else she’ll leave. 

“We have time for one more ride,” Kurt says. “Maybe two.”

“Perfect,” she yells. “We still need to go on dead Nana’s favorite ride.” And of course, she takes off running. 

Kurt rolls his eyes at hearing about Dead Nana again and goes after Brittany. It surprises him that they don’t have far to go. Brittany is just inside a gated yard near the front steps of an enormous antebellum home. Kurt looks around and realizes where they are. The Haunted Mansion. 

Brittany smiles and Kurt softens a little. He knows Brittany doesn’t mean anything malicious by it. 

The line moves swiftly through a graveyard or possibly a pet cemetery. Kurt doesn’t know and doesn’t care. 

“When Lord Tubbington dies, I’m going to cremate him and scatter his ashes here,” Brittany says. The guy directly in line behind them takes a step back. 

Two stoney faced girls wearing dark green maid costumes usher them inside with a large group of people. They enter through the main doors. Shuffling forward with the crowd leads them into a large octagonal room with paintings on the walls. Flickering candles are held by gargoyles crouching on ledges and light the room. Music in a minor key plays and a low, smooth voice speaks.

“Welcome, foolish mortals to the Haunted Mansion! I am your host, your ghost host. Kindly step all the way in, please, and make room for everyone. There’s no turning back now.”

Despite not wanting to be there, Kurt knows that if Santana were here instead, she’d say something rude about Dead Nana and wreck this for Brittany. Kurt still doesn’t understand what Brittany sees in her on again off again unofficial girlfriend, but it isn’t his business.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt swears the face of one of the gargoyles changes. Before he can even turn his head, it’s gone. 

The ghost host questions whether or not the room is stretching or is it your imagination? “And consider this dismaying observation: This chamber has no windows and no doors, which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out!”

The lights go out as the host laughs maniacally. Lightning flashes overhead, making the ceiling transparent. A body hangs from a noose in the center of the dome, slowly swinging back and forth. 

“This is a kid’s ride?” Kurt asks.  

“Yes,” Brittany says. “My parents did it on this ride and that’s where my sister came from so this is totally a kids ride.”

A lady in a Snow White shirt and holding the hand of a small boy in Mickey Mouse ears gives Brittany a dirty look.

Kurt desperately hopes Brittany is mistaken. 

A panel in the elevator wall opens and the crowd moves through it into a hallway. On one side are windows with ornate velvet drapes. Behind the glass, lightning flashes and rain streams down the panes. The other side displays a series of portraits that appear normal and slowly change to something scary. 

The ghost host continues, “There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts from all over the world. Actually, we have nine hundred ninety-nine happy haunts here, but there’s room for a thousand. Any volunteers? If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.”

“I volunteer,” Brittany says and raises her hand, jumping up and down. 

Mickey Mouse hat says, “Me, too! Me, too!”

Brittany gets a death glare from Snow White. 

At the end of the hallway and around the corner, the ghost host says, “And now, a carriage approaches to carry you into the boundless realm of the supernatural. Take your loved ones by the hand, please, and kindly watch your step. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please! We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.”

“I can’t hold your hand or people might think we’re dating,” Brittany says. 

Snow White frowns at Brittany.

Kurt winces. “Good idea.”

A line of black carriages with tall rounded backs glide past as a man in an undertaker costume keeps pace with the moving sidewalk, guiding guests into the doom buggies in groups of twos and threes. 

Brittany jumps up and down clapping her hands when their carriage arrives. She gestures for Kurt to get in first and then she climbs in and pulls on the lap bar. 

“Do not pull down on the safety bar, please; I will lower it for you.”

“I love it when he says that,” Brittany says and tugs on it again. 

Kurt has never been particularly fond of Halloween. Too many tacky costumes and too much sugar. Even he has to admit that the attention to detail is impressive. He has no idea how the candelabra floats or how they make the ghosts appear and disappear. And how do they make everything dusty without making it appear unkept? 

They travel into a room where a woman’s head is inside a crystal ball that is resting on a table with a book and candles. She speaks rhythmically. 

“Rap on a table; it’s time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond.”

The ride glides to a stop.

“Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween. Awaken the spirits with your tambourine.”

“Where’s the dragon?” Brittany demands. “She’s totally evil, but she can talk to your dad!” She half stands up and sucks in her stomach before trying to squeeze through the space between the lap bar and the side of the doom buggy. 

“Brittany!” Kurt yells in the most authoritative voice he can manage. “Sit your butt down in that seat and don’t you dare talk to a floating head about my dad.”

With a pout, she slumps down on the seat. “But Dead Nana-”

“Don’t start with dead Nana. Can we please just enjoy the ride?”

“Will that make you happy?”

“Yes,” Kurt lies, forcing a smile. It must be more convincing than he hopes or Brittany is content with the lie and the attempt. It’s the first time he can remember smiling since his dad died. 

The ride moves forward. As they glide out of the room, the woman’s face changes, looking almost masculine. Kurt blinks and it’s gone. 

They travel through a ballroom and Kurt is mesmerized. Ghostly dancers float across the floor, fading in and out of sight. Kurt wonders what it would be like to dance so effortlessly. For the first time today, he understands Brittany’s desire to climb out of the ride and get a better view.

On the chandelier, two ghosts fade in and out. One looks animatronic. And the other? The other looks like he doesn’t belong. Before Kurt can put his finger on why, the ride carries them into the next room. 

When they arrive at a graveyard, Kurt forces himself to appreciate how detailed the scene is and not think about how it’s a graveyard. The ghosts sing about a swinging wake as they fade in and out of sight.  

Except for the ghost standing balanced in the middle of the seesaw. That one is too solid and too gray.

Apparently, the ghost host has found them because he’s back to narrating. “Ah, there you are, and just in time! There’s a little matter I forgot to mention. Beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they’ll haunt you until you return!”

They pass by a group of four ghostly figures, thumbs out and smiles on their faces. The one on the far right doesn’t fit with the other three. He’s much too young and something about the color is different, like the one on the seesaw. Regardless of all that, the boy is much too cute to be a ghost and his presence pulls the group off center. 

“I like the short one best,” Brittany says. “He’s got chains.” 

“The one in the vest is cute,” Kurt says, playing along. “He can follow me home.”

The ghost boy freezes as they move past into a corridor with mirrors. In the mirror, the short ghost holding the ball attached to the chain on his ankle appears to be sitting in the middle of the carriage. The ghost boy hovers in front of them, obscuring the view.

“I want a picture.” Brittany pulls her phone out of her purse, holds it up, and taps the screen. 

“Going my way?” the ghost boy asks.

“Only if you’re going to see the pirates next.” Brittany holds the phone out and says, “Say I love ghosts!” and taps the screen without waiting for either boy to say anything.

The ghost boy gapes at Brittany. “You can hear me?”

Kurt startles and lets out an undignified squeak. 

Brittany frowns. “I can hear you. Because you’re talking. Right? You are talking, aren’t you?”

“He’s talking,” Kurt says evenly. “He’s also dead.”

“That’s okay,” Brittany says. “I have lots of dead friends. Dead Nana and-”

“-he gets the idea,” Kurt says, cutting her off.

The bar on the doom buggy lifts automatically and Brittany and Kurt get out of the carriage and onto the moving walkway which angles up towards a rectangle of sunlight. The ghost boy floats behind them. 

A small specter stands in an alcove halfway up the moving walkway. She sounds like the little girl from Poltergeist. 

“Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We’ve been dying to have you!”

“I don’t have my death certificate,” Brittany says. “Kurt, do you have yours?”

Kurt pats the non-existent pockets on his uniform pants before Brittany asks him to check. “Nope, I must have left it at home.”

“Will it count if I have my V card? Puck punched it. So did Mike. And other Mike. And other other Mike. And Artie-”

“Oh, my god,” Kurt says. “You can only have your V card punched once.”

Brittany reaches into her purse and pulls out her wallet. She removes a pink paper that has more holes than paper. “I punch it each time I have sex.”

The ghost laughs. “Very creative. I’m Blaine.”

“I’m Brittany and this is Sweet Porcelain.”

“Kurt. My name is Kurt.”

The moving walkway takes them outside into the sunshine. 

“How did you die?” Brittany asks.

“Brittany! You can’t go around asking people how they died,” Kurt hisses.

She pouts, stamping her foot and crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t mind,” Blaine says. “I went to a high school dance with the only other out gay guy at my school. It was just as friends and while we were waiting for my dad to pick us up, some guys came out of nowhere and beat the crap out of us. I hit my head at a bad angle on the sidewalk and died in the hospital. And nothing happened.”

“What do you mean?” Brittany asks.

“No bright light. No fiery hell. I didn’t want to hang around the hospital for all eternity. So I headed outside and ghosted into a car that was leaving and went where they went. I eventually ended up on a bus headed for Disneyland and here I am.”

“You hitchhiked to the Haunted Mansion?” Kurt asks, because of course he did. 

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Why?”

“The Haunted Mansion is creepy. Most people can’t see me, but once in a while, someone gets a glimpse and if I’m really lucky, a picture. In fact, if the one you took comes out, can you post it online?”

“Sure,” Brittany says.

“I’ve always wanted to be a performer. Lots of people get their start at Disneyland. Besides, where else am I going to go? I mean I got on stage at a White Stripes concert and sang Little Ghost with them but no one saw me. I like it here and my brother worked as an undertaker on the ride for a while. It was nice seeing him almost every day.”

“I’m totally going to go onstage next time I see Groping For Elmo.”

Blaine raises his eyebrows.

Kurt shrugs. “Never heard of them.” He also can’t be sure it’s a real band. 

“In the Haunted Mansion, people want to see a ghost so they’re more open to it.”

“I’d haunt the Dairy Queen,” Brittany says. “Can we go see the pirates? I want to flash Captain Jack.”

Blaine grimaces. “They got rid of the Captain Jack Sparrow character specifically because too many girls flashed him.”

“Who’s Jack Sparrow?” Brittany asks. “I want to flash Jack Harkness. He and Barty Crouch Jr. come to Disneyland all the time.”

“You have to leave your shirt on,” Kurt says quickly. “There are kids here and they don’t want to see your boobs.”

“But I have nice boobs. Santana says so.”

“We have a bus to catch,” Kurt says. He’s reached his limit on how much of this he’s willing to deal with. “Come on, Brittany. We can get a quick glimpse of the pirates as we go by, but we need to leave.”

“Bye,” Blaine says.

Kurt glances over his shoulder as they head to the front of the park. 

Blaine smiles brightly and waves. 

With any luck, Brittany won’t mention this to Santana or coach Sue and no one needs to know about Brittany’s new ghost friend. 

Kurt sits next to Brittany on the bus as they head to the hotel, staring listlessly out the window. Up ahead, Blaine stands on the corner with a grin on his face and his thumb out. “Oh crap,” Kurt moans. 

Leaning across him, Brittany peers out the window. “We should pick him up.”

“No we shouldn’t,” Kurt says. “Besides, the bus isn’t going to stop.” 

“Yeah it will.” Brittany bounces out of her seat and down the aisle to the front of the bus. “I’m going to throw up, you better let me out.”

The driver immediately pulls over and opens the door. Brittany hurries down the steps clutching her stomach and runs over to a bush. Holding her pony tail out of the way, she pretends to throw up. At least, Kurt hopes she’s pretending to throw up. It sounds disgustingly real. 

She retches several times and stands up smiling. Brittany must have invited Blaine along because he follows her up the steps and over to where Kurt sits. Blaine kneels on the empty seat one row in front of Kurt and Brittany. “Going my way?” he asks.

“Where are you trying to go?” Kurt asks, not sure why he cares. 

Blaine shrugs. “Where ever you two are headed.”

Brittany squeals, “That’s where we’re going!”

“Great. So where are we going?” Blaine asks.

“Loews Hollywood Hotel,” Kurt answers. “We have a cheerleader symposium tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll hate it. It’s a bunch of people talking about cheerleading. And classes on cheerleading. Music and uniforms for cheerleading. It’s boring and not your thing.”

“I like cheerleaders. Especially if they look like you.” Blaine waggles his eyebrows.

A hint of a smile crosses Kurt’s face despite his determination not to encourage Blaine. He has enough stuff on his plate without a ghost stalker. 

“If it’s boring, don’t go,” Blaine says. 

Brittany frowns. “Coach Sue said we have to.” 

“Is she going to notice if you skip?” Blaine asks. 

The honest answer is a resounding no. McKinley won. Sue wants to bask in the glory of being number one. Kurt knows Sue will be happier if Brittany isn’t there asking odd questions, making random statements, and talking to herself. 

“Couldn’t you just hop on the bus through the side?” Kurt asks.

Blaine sticks his hand through the seat and wiggles his fingers at Kurt. “Where’s the fun in that? Hey, Loews is practically next to Grauman’s Theater and they’re premiering Ghostsight tonight. Wanna crash?”

“No,” Brittany says. “If the bus crashes, I’ll have to sleep here and then I can’t have sex with Santana.”

Kurt read Ghostsight when it first came out. He reread when rumors about a movie started. He hasn’t paid attention to much of anything since his father’s death. The main character can see and talk to ghosts. No wonder Blaine wants to go. 

“It’s a movie based on a book about a guy who can talk to ghosts. And Blaine means sneak into the theater although I’m sure its sold out so I don’t know how he’s going to manage it.” Brittany doesn’t have a subtle bone in her body and is just as likely to announce that they’re sneaking into the theater as she is to babble about her new ghost friend. 

“I can talk to ghosts, too,” Brittany says. 

“I’ve noticed,” Kurt says dryly. 

Against Kurt’s better judgment, he and Brittany go to the theater with Blaine. He’s seen Grauman’s Theater in movies - the pagoda like front entrance with a red roof. More iconic is the cement out front with the signatures and foot prints of Hollywood’s most famous actors and actresses.

The outside is crowded with people, most dressed for a movie premiere in fancy dresses and suits or tuxes. Moving spotlights wave back and forth, letting people know for miles that something exciting is happening. Ropes separate the general public from the official guests. People snap pictures on their cell phones and thrust papers and pens at the stars for autographs. 

If Kurt can get an up close and personal look at some famous people before they have to leave because of Brittany’s cheerio uniform, then he’ll call the night a success.

The two people getting the most attention, a man in a black Armani tux and a woman in a blue evening gown, stand with their backs to the crowd speaking with a reporter. 

“Do you believe in ghosts?” the reporter asks.

“I’ve seen some things that leave me open to the possibility,” the guy in the tux says.

“Thanks for speaking with me,” the reporter says. “I can’t wait to see the movie.”

The couple turn and wave at the crowd. Kurt’s jaw drops. “That’s the guy from the free credit rating commercials. Brittany, go get his autograph for me.”

Brittany pushes her way forward and Kurt follows. Blaine can keep up, or not. She reaches the rope and yells, “My friend wants your autograph, will you sign my chest?”

Kurt face palms. “On a paper, not your chest.”

Cooper Anderson’s eyes go wide. “What are you doing here?” he demands.

The lady on his arm speaks with a forced smile. “That’s not the best way to address your fans, Cooper.”

“Brittany,” Blaine says, “please tell Mandy that you’re Cooper’s cousin and he didn’t know you’d be here.”

“The ghost told me to tell you I’m Cooper’s cousin and he doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Ha, ha, cousin Brittany, very funny,” Cooper says quickly. “Ghosts aren’t real.” He glares directly at Blaine. 

Well, shit, Kurt thinks.

“Sure they are,” Brittany says. “I talk-”

“-to me all the time about the story you’re writing for English class!” He reaches over and unclips one of the ropes. Brittany and Kurt walk through and Cooper reclips it before Blaine can enter. “Come with me. I’ll find you a seat.”

Blaine rolls his eyes and ghosts through the rope. “Told you I could get us in,” Blaine says smugly.

“Quiet,” Cooper growls. 

“No one can hear me. Besides, I’ve got my best suit and my tie.” Blaine smiles and adjusts his tie. 

“Not this again,” Cooper moans. “It hasn’t been funny since I was ten.”

Blaine holds up both hands, a coin in each one, and moves them over his face. “Shiny silver dollar on either eye.” And then he sings. 

There’s s chauffeur coming to my door  
Says there’s room for maybe just one more

Blaine points at Kurt when he sings the line. Arms wide, Blaine spins around, singing loudly, completely unconcerned about running into anyone. No one notices or reacts when his arms go through them.

I was struck by lighting  
Walkin’ down the street  
I was hit by something last night in my sleep  
It’s a dead man’s party  
Who could ask for more?  
Everybody’s comin’, leave your body at the door  
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .  
Don’t run away it’s only me  
Don’t run away it’s only me  
Don’t be afraid of what you can’t see  
Don’t run away it’s only me . . .

“If you don’t knock this shit off, I’m going to dig you up, salt your body, and burn it,” Cooper says under his breath.

“That’s great, Sammy. You gonna get Dean to help you?” Blaine asks in an overly cheerful voice.

“First off, if I were a Winchester, I’d be Dean and I’d be the one banging a bunch of hot babes.”

“I’m shorter. That makes me Dean.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Cooper says. “Besides, I wouldn’t bother with Sam. I’d get Crowley to help me. If the king of hell can’t get rid of you, no one can.”

“Badgers are scarier,” Brittany says.

By the time Kurt wraps his head around that one, Blaine and Cooper are both laughing. 

“We should totally do this in Glee,” Brittany says.

“Do what?” Mandy asks. 

“Sing songs for ghosts. Dead Nana would stop haunting the garage and come see me at school for that.”

Beads of sweat spread across Cooper’s forehead. “You’re such a joker. We should catch up for a few minutes before the movie starts so I can hear all about my aunt and uncle.”

Brittany tilts her head. “Who?” 

Mandy raisers her eyebrows. “Something you want to tell me, honey?”

With a sigh, Cooper says, “She’s friends with Blaine.”

“Oh.” Her annoyed expression morphs into a smile. “Hi, Blaine,” she says softly.

“Can everyone see ghosts?” Kurt demands.

Blaine shakes his head. “No, she can’t. Mandy either believes Cooper or loves him enough to pretend to believe him. She’s cool and she doesn’t put up with his nonsense.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Blaine,” Mandy says. “It’s important to your brother.”

“Cooper, please tell Mandy thank you and that she looks lovely. Her dress is the perfect shade of blue. And her choice of shoes is inspired brilliance.”

With a sigh, Cooper says, “Blaine says thanks and you look nice.”

“Blaine said lovely,” Brittany says, “not nice, and your shoes are geniuses.”

Mandy glances between Cooper and Brittany several times. “Oh, really. Brittany, dear, can you ask Blaine if Cooper has been misreporting all this time?”

“Oh, my god, yes,” Blaine says.

“Yes.”

It surprises Kurt that Brittany answers the question so succinctly.

“Mandy, can you please meet me in the theater in a few minutes? I need to deal with this. Save us a few seats.” Without waiting for an answer, Cooper takes Brittany’s wrist and drags her into the theater and through the VIP lounge. The room is long with a bar along one wall and tables with black suede couches and chairs along the other.

A grown man dragging an underage girl around looks bad. A grown man dragging around an underage girl in a cheerleader uniform looks worse. 

“Excuse me,” Cooper says to the couple sitting at the farthest table. “Would it be possible for you to move somewhere else? My cousin just informed me that my uncle is ill and I want to get the details before the movie starts.”

The girl melts under Cooper’s smile. “Sure,” she says breathlessly. 

Her date takes one glance at Brittany in her cheerleader outfit and smirks. “Your cousin. Right.”

“I’m totally his cousin,” Brittany says. 

Kurt opens his mouth; nothing comes out. 

The couple get up and move to the bar. Brittany and Kurt sit on the couch. Cooper takes one of the chairs on the opposite side of the table and Blaine folds himself into a lotus position and hovers next to Brittany.  

“Explain now,” Cooper insists.

“My dad, your uncle, Pierce Pierce, is ill. But he didn’t tell me what he’s sick with. Or that he was sick.” Brittany presses her lips together and narrows her eyes. “That’s not very nice of him. I’m his daughter.”

“Not you.” He points at Blaine. “You. Start talking.”

Blaine rolls his eyes. “They saw me hitchhiking at the Haunted Mansion and I decided to follow them. Besides, I told you I was going to see your movie premier. I bet if you say you’ve seen a real ghost, you’d be the most popular person to interview. Mandy said it’s nice that I’m here.”

“She can’t hear you, so she doesn’t know how annoying you are.” Crossing his arms, Cooper considers. “Don’t you have some unfinished business to attend to?”

“Yes,” Blaine says with a smile. “Annoying my little brother. And look, I’m making progress.”

“I’m older than you now and I’m taller.” Cooper wads a napkin into a ball and throws it at Blaine. 

It sails through Blaine’s stomach and he glares.

“What?” Cooper says. “It’s not like you can feel it.”

“Let’s all throw stuff at Blaine because he can’t feel it,” Blaine says. “Ten points if you get it through his stomach. Fifty points if you get it through his head.”

Brittany crumples up a napkin and throws it through Blaine’s head. “I win.”

Cooper laughs. “I like you cousin Brittany.”

“How?” Kurt asks.

“I’m Oda freaking Mae,” Cooper says. He holds up his hands and wiggles his fingers. “I see dead people. All. The. Time. And M. Night Shamala was a genius. Most ghosts don’t know they’re dead and they keep repeating something they did in life. If they were a student, they go to class. If they were a cheerleader, they go to practice. Ghosts only see what they want to see.”

“That’s what I do!” Brittany twists her hands together. “I go to class and to cheerio practice. Why didn’t you tell me I’m dead?”

“You’re not dead,” Kurt tells her. Oh crap. Santana is going to be pissed if Brittany starts going on about being dead. It’s bad enough when she won’t shut up about Dead Nana.

Brittany’s lower lip trembles. “But Cooper said I wouldn’t know if I was.”

“I know I’m dead,” Blaine says. 

Cooper and Blaine look at Kurt. 

“What?” Kurt asks. 

Blaine bites his lower lip. “I don’t know how to tell you this...but I think I...may have some bad news….”

“Oh my god, I’m not an idiot,” Kurt says. “I kind of figured out I’d kicked the bucket when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills and came to while my cheerleading coach pounded on the door. She started screaming that I’d missed practice and I better be dead or she was going to kill me.”

Blaine lets out a bark of laughter. “Sorry. It’s kind of funny.”

“Not really. But watching her kick in the door was pretty impressive.” Seeing cold as ice, heart of stone Sue Sylvester sob when she found his body certainly hadn’t been funny. 

“Wait a minute. If you know you’re dead, why are you here?” Cooper asks. 

Kurt shrugs. “Brittany found me sitting in the cemetery staring at my parent’s graves and told me I should still come to LA for the competition. What the hell else do I have to do? I’m sure as shit not going back to that cesspool of a high school.”

“I’m glad I went to bring you gummy bears.” Brittany twirls a lock of her hair around her finger.

“If you hated high school, why are you still wearing your cheerleading uniform?” Blaine asks. 

“I was wearing this when I died. Trust me. If I hadn’t been depressed enough to kill myself, I’d have dressed for the occasion.”

“Just change your clothes. I do it all the time.” Blaine squinches his eyes shut. His form blurs for a moment and when he comes back into focus, he’s wearing a suit with a bow tie, shiny shoes, and his hair is still curly, but controlled.

“You can wear anything you want and *that’s* what you choose?” Cooper asks. “You’re hopeless.”

“I can wear what I want!” Kurt concentrates, imagining the perfect outfit for a movie premier, a gray suit with a skinny tie and a music note pin. He opens his eyes slowly and looks down. Yahtzee. Not only does he look fantastic, he’s managed to conjure a Marc Jacobs suit from this season that he’d never have been able to afford. Only a few people can see how fantastic he looks, but so what? He doesn’t have to spend eternity in a cheerleader uniform. Everything else is details. 

Kurt stands up and twists and turns, trying to get a look at the back. 

The lights flicker and Cooper stands. “Movie’s going to start soon.” They head into the theater. Row after row of plush red seats line the room. At the front, red velvet curtains with gold palm trees cover the screen. 

Kurt trails after Cooper and Brittany wondering how this is supposed to work. Most of the seats are filled and Kurt hopes Cooper can find Brittany somewhere to sit. The theater is likely sold out for the premier. He supposes he and Blaine can sit on someone, but that seems rude, even if the people in question don’t know. Or they could stand in the aisle, it isn’t like they’ll get tired. Kurt shakes his head. He and Brittany are crashing this party so whatever works best according to Cooper is fine.

Cooper leads them down the aisle to the fourth row. Mandy is in the fifth seat from the end and Cooper sits down next to her. “Cousin Brittany, you can sit next to me and save those two seats.”

“Two. Who are they for?” Mandy asks.

A lady in the row in front of theirs turns and catches Cooper’s eye. She giggles and turns around. 

Kurt assumes it’s for him and Blaine so he sits down next to Brittany with Blaine on his other side. 

“My parents,” Cooper says, glancing at the lady who’s turning around again to peer over her shoulder.

Brittany’s eyes go wide and she gapes at Kurt. “When did you have a baby?”

“What?” Mandy asks flatly.

Kurt’s hands clench into fists. If his hand wouldn’t go right through Brittany’s head, he put it over her mouth. To everyone else, it looks like Brittany is talking to an empty chair. About babies. He starts to lean forward and whisper in her ear when he remembers that there’s no need. “We’re playing a game, boo. You can’t talk to me or Blaine. Will you do that? If you win, you get a surprise.”

Brittany nods, and then freezes. She faces the screen, glancing at Kurt out of the corner of her eye.

“Blaine brought Brittany with him, who’s like me,” Cooper says. “And another friend, who’s like him.”

“Another friend? That’s so cute.”

Cooper glances at Kurt. “Yeah, he’s cute.”

“Oh,” Mandy says. “A friend or a *friend*? Blaine deserves it either way.”

“Not sure,” Cooper says. 

Kurt is so glad he’s dead or he’d be bright red. 

“We met today,” Blaine says. 

Cooper laughs. “Doesn’t always matter.”

“I wish I could see Blaine,” Mandy sighs. 

“No you don’t,” Cooper says.  

Brittany claps her hands together a few times. “We should hold a seance!”

“Blaine’s already here,” Cooper mumbles.

“For Mandy. It totally works when I want to contact Dead Nana. I go in the garage with Santana and we make out. Then Dead Nana shows up and yells about how I shouldn’t be kissing girls and it’s wrong and wow Santana has a nice rack.”

Kurt pinches the bridge of his nose. At least, he can feel his intangible fingers touching his intangible nose. “That’s not a seance, Britt.”

Brittany crosses her arms. “But Dead Nana shows up. So I’ll make out with Mandy and Blaine will appear.”

“Satan can’t see me, so I don’t think you kissing Mandy will do the trick.”

“But she’s hot and she’s not my cousin.”

“Wait,” Cooper says. “You saw the devil?”

Kurt isn’t sure if Cooper thinks it’s super terrifying, or super cool. 

“Not actual Satan. Brittany’s girlfriend.”

“I’m not sure now is a good time for a seance,” Mandy says. “But how about this? After the movie, I’ll buy you an ice cream sundae and you can tell me all the things Blaine said that Cooper neglected to mention.”

“Busted!” Blaine yells. 

“Shut up,” Cooper hisses.

At least Brittany isn’t trying to talk to Kurt anymore. 

“This is so much fun.” Blaine pats the back of Kurt’s hand and shrieks, yanking his hand away like he’s been burned.

“Jesus Christ, Squirt. Can you please not do that,” Cooper whispers. “I’m going to have a heart attack and join you.”

Kurt crosses his arms over his chest. “Excuse me? What’s your problem?” If Blaine is going to freak out for touching, Kurt is going to send him packing. Or go back to Ohio. Or something. But he isn’t going to put up with this nonsense.

“I haven’t touched anyone or anything in years,” Blaine whispers. “I didn’t think I’d be able to touch you.” Blaine reaches out his hand and pauses, his fingers near Kurt. “Can I again? Please? I don’t mean it in a creepy way.”

Kurt holds out his hand.

Blaine strokes his finger along Kurt’s palm, tracing the lines with a dopey smile on his face.

A touch of fingertips has never been so sexy. Kurt can’t sense any heat from Blaine, but there’s pressure. Suddenly Blaine following him around doesn’t seem nearly so annoying if they can touch. 

And maybe more.

Blaine threads his fingers through Kurt’s and squeezes. “This okay?”

“Yeah.” Kurt really should tell Blaine not to, that he doesn’t know what this means to Blaine. Or to himself. But Blaine is so happy. Never having held a guy’s hand before, Kurt isn’t sure of the etiquette. At least he doesn’t have to worry about his palm getting sweaty. 

The lights go down, except for a single spotlight center stage. “Welcome to the premier of Ghostsight!”

Thunderous applause from the audience drowns out whatever Brittany says next. 

Kurt says, “You have to be quiet now.”

Fingers linked, Blaine’s thumb traces over the back of Kurt’s hand.

The movie is fun even if it’s portrayal of ghosts is nothing like Kurt’s experience. But what is up with all the pointing and shouting? In every scene with a ghost, Cooper points and shouts at them. That wasn’t in the book, or even hinted at. 

After several minutes, Kurt finally breaks down and asks, “What’s with all the pointing and shouting?”

“Don’t ask him that,” Blaine mutters.

Cooper points at Kurt and whisper shouts, “So the ghosts know that I’m talking to them.”

When the credits roll, Kurt lets go of Blaine’s hand to clap along with the rest of the audience. 

A smiling usher hands out swag bags as they exit the theater. Brittany opens her’s and pulls out planchet shaped candy and a paper Ouija board as they walk towards the sidewalk. 

“What’s going on here?” Sue Sylvester looms menacingly just outside the ropes. Her blue track suit has white stripes down the sides and her megaphone dangles from one wrist. 

Brittany’s smile lights up. “Coach Sue! This is my cousin Cooper. He didn’t know I was in LA. Kurt and I saw his movie.”

The hard expression on Sue’s face flickers. “Why aren’t you at the hotel?”

“Kurt said you wouldn’t want to hear me talking to myself.”

Sue sighs and gives Cooper a once over. “You’ve got exactly ten seconds to convince me you know Brittany or I’ll scream for the police.” She holds the megaphone up to her mouth, but doesn’t shout. “Into my megaphone.” Thankfully, it’s on the lowest setting, although people are staring at Sue, wondering what’s going on. 

Kurt needs to fix this. “Tell her to call and confirm it with Brittany’s dad, Pierce Pierce.”

Cooper snorts. “If you’re sure.”

Sue clicks on the megaphone, but doesn’t turn it up. “Six seconds.”

“Call Mr Pierce and remind him that cousin Cooper is in LA.”

Thinking quickly, Kurt says, “Tell coach Sylvester to tell Brittany’s dad that you haven’t seen him since Leslie’s wedding where Brittany was a flower girl and you’ve been talking to Brittany more since I died.”

Cooper repeats it, more or less. 

“Prove to me you knew Kurt.”

“I won our only game sophomore year by getting the entire football team to dance to Beyonce,” Kurt says. 

“Kurt was on the football team,” Cooper says quickly. “And he played the most important position...” he glances at Kurt. 

“Kicker,” Kurt says. 

“He was the kicker. And he used the power of Beyoncé to win,” Cooper finishes. “Brittany’s been devastated since Kurt died. And this trip has been difficult for her. I’m sorry. If I had realized you didn’t know where she was, I’d have let you know.”

“I told Kurt to tell you I was coming here,” Brittany says.

Kurt face palms. “Coach Sue can’t hear me.”

Glancing down, Brittany looks at the footprints of a star who’s signature Kurt can’t read. “Not my soulmate.” She wanders a few feet away and puts her feet in another set of footprints. “Not my soulmate.”

Or does she mean sole-mate? It doesn’t matter. There’s still lots of people milling around. “Blaine, can you follow Brittany and if she gets too far away, tell her I miss her and can she please come back?”

The corners of Blaine’s mouth twitch. “Sure.”

Only Brittany needs ghost babysitters to keep from getting lost. 

Sue’s eyes narrow. “Any idiot with a computer can see Sweet Porcelain dancing with the football team demanding a ring be put on it.”

“Okay?” Cooper says. “Um...I don’t know what you want.”

“Say this word for word,” Kurt says. “Kurt appreciated you being the only one who supported his atheist beliefs when his dad was dying. Not his friends, not his teacher, not the principal, only you.” 

Cooper repeats it to Sue’s stunned silence. 

She glares, tapping her foot. “And…I’m bored now.” Without taking her eyes off Cooper, she yells, “Brittany! Get over here this instant.”

Brittany wanders over. “But I didn’t find my soulmate.” 

“We’re leaving. Now.”

Brittany holds something out to Mandy. “So you can talk to Blaine.”

It takes Kurt a moment to figure out what it is; an origami phone made out of the Ouaji board paper.

“Thank you,” Mandy says. “I wish we could have gone for ice cream. Maybe next time.”

Brittany turns to Sue. “Pleeeeeease,” she whines. 

“Mandy and I are going to Disneyland tomorrow to promote the movie. We’d love to have cousin Brittany come with us.”

Inspiration strikes Kurt. “Let Coach Sylvester know you can bring Brittany back tomorrow afternoon or evening so she won’t have to go to the symposium. Offer to call Mr. Pierce. He’ll okay it.”

“Uncle Pierce will be okay with it and I know that Brittany won’t find the classes tomorrow as entertaining as you will.”

Sue grabs Cooper by the front of his tux and yanks him an inch away from her scowl. “If you do anything to hurt Brittany, I’ll kill you.”

“Yes, ma’am. I mean, no ma’am. I won’t hurt Brittany. Or let anyone else hurt her. Or even let anyone look at her funny.”

“Have her at the hotel tomorrow by 8 pm or I’m coming for you with a swat team. Got it?”

“Yes, Ms Sylvester.” 

Sue turns and yells, “Move it!” into the megaphone and the crowd parts. Without a backwards glance, she walks through the space she created. 

Coach Sue shouldn’t leave an underage girl with an adult male, but since she’ll actually show up with a swat team and kill Cooper if he does anything to Brittany, it doesn’t really surprise Kurt.

“Can we get ice cream now?” Brittany begs, her hands clasped together. 

“There’s an ice cream parlor near where I live and it’s still open.” Cooper gestures to Kurt. “You coming with?”

“What do you want to do?” Blaine asks. 

Kurt’s been following Brittany because there was nothing else he needed or wanted to do. And because no one else could see him. He should probably go with Brittany and make sure she’s okay, not that he can do anything if she’s not. “I don’t know.”

“No, seriously,” Blaine says. “What would you do if you could go anywhere, do anything?”

“Go to Paris.” Not being able to travel is one of Kurt’s regrets. “And given the situation, I’d climb the Eiffel Tower and sit on the top so I could dangle my legs over the edge.”

“We could hitch a ride on a plane to Paris and visit the Phantom Manor.”

“What’s that?”

“The French version of the Haunted Mansion.”

“You want to go all the way to freaking Paris to haunt the same thing you haunt here?” Kurt asks, incredulously.

“It’s not the same thing. The Phantom Manor has a totally different setup and plot. Plus I think it has a ballroom. We could dance there.” Blaine waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“We can dance in the ballroom here.”

“You’re a genius.” Blaine holds out his hand. “Will you come to the mansion and dance with me?”

Kurt would have blushed if he had any blood. And a body. “Sure.”

Threading his fingers through Kurt’s, Blaine says, “Hey, Cooper,” and holds his other hand up, thumb out. “Going my way?”

XOXOXOXO

There appears to be a new resident at the Haunted Mansion. For over a decade, sightings of a teenage boy in and around Gracey Manor at Disneyland have been reported. The number of people who claim to have seen him has steadily grown over the years. The general consensus was that he’d taken the coveted one thousandth and final vacancy. 

A few days ago, three surprisingly clear pictures surfaced, all posted by CousinBrittany. The first shows the ghost boy in his favorite spot next to the hitchhiking ghosts with his thumb out. What’s changed is that another ghost boy is next to him, also hitchhiking. The second picture has the boys sitting on the chandelier arms around each other and smiling. The last has something Walt Disney would never have agreed to when the attraction opened, two boys in modern day tuxedos, dancing with the other couples. 

Did another ghost vacate the mansion? Or did the ghost host miscount? Either way, it appears that after all this time, our favorite ghost has a boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Burt died of a heart attack. Blaine died as a result of being beat up at the Sadie Hawkins dance. Kurt committed suicide by swallowing a bottle of pills when he couldn’t deal with his dad’s death. 
> 
> Reviews and kudos are better that cupcakes.


End file.
